One Year Later – Remembering My Mom

My beautiful mom.

My beautiful mom.

Dear Readers,

This Blog has never been intended for only recipes.  Herein, are recipes, stories, or a combination of both, that express the essence of life.

A year has swiftly passed since I lost my mother, Martha Schneider.  I thank you for accompanying me through the loss and mourning of my dear mother.

Today I went to her graveside, and here I offer the following thoughts.

Mommy, as I sit here at the place you were laid to rest, I ponder the enormity of your loss.  I struggle with the concept of moving forward and the desperate desire to remember and cling to every detail of our lives together.

Your black cain still hangs on the towel rack where you last left it, one year ago.  It hangs as forlorn and lonely as my heart.  it asks, like I, where have you gone.  The little yellow daisies you so liked, that grow outside your bedroom window, are back in bloom yet they are sad because your eyes cannot rest upon them.  The view you so enjoyed sadly peers backward into the house, also to see where you have gone.

Daddy asks for you each day, where is mom, where is my wife…

It’s so quiet without you mom, yet there is a clamor in my heart, screaming this memory or that.  The memory of a telling glance in which our eyes, without words said how much we loved each other.

As the days and weeks, the months and years, unfold before me, I will write your story, every detail every nuance, for I want to hold it and cradle it and take it in through my very pores so that I never lose it.

That is my biggest fear, forgetting the details, your warm touch, your loving caress, your pretty green eyes, your face.

While my tears pour incessantly on your headstone, as I run my fingers across the bronze letters that spell out your name, I know it’s time to pull myself up and away from this place.  I know I must move forward and remain optimistic and happy, for no one taught me more than you, that life is beautiful.

And so I go now mom, so that I may live that beautiful life, while always remembering you and carrying you in and on my heart every instant that it beats within me.

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14 responses

  1. Thank you for posting your beautiful thoughts and memories of your mother. I’m sorry that you have lost her. I also lost my mom a little over a year ago in October 2011. She was 95 and came to the U.S, Los Angeles where I grew up, with her family in 1935 to escape the nazis who were starting to threaten them in Germany. You expressed a lot of what I feel, I’m not always able to pinpoint and express the feelings like you have, because it is so overwhelming for me, for example my mom’s cane, I have hers too and I never thought of the metaphor of it “asking where she’s gone”, but that’s so true. The hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with are the loss of my mom, and dad who died in 1995. Every day is a struggle between trying to cope with her not being here any more and trying to move forward and be happy as I know she would want me to be. I believe I first heard you and your daughter, Alex, on Rabbi Wexler’s (don’t think I spelled that right), show on Satellite Radio, maybe about 1-1/2 years ago. I was especially interested because I’ve been married to a Texan who grew up close to the Mexican border, (Lyford, Texas), for almost 28 years who introduced me to the Tex-Mex food that he loves, but I also love that now I can make Jewish Mexican food! Thank you for your blog and I look forward to when your cookbook comes out. Carol Janssen

  2. I feel your loss as deeply as I lost my mother one year ago on the20th of Jan. It still does not seem real to me.I hear her voice everyday and sometimes still smell her as if she were in the room with me.

  3. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. We were blessed with the greatest mother and her love, grace, tenacity and determination live inside of all of us.
    Love,
    Gary

  4. Beautiful words, my dear friend. They express feelings that we daughters who’ve lost their mother years ago or just recently, know very well.

  5. Dear friend…..your words have gone straight to my heart. My eyes weep for the loss that you, Gary and the entire family has endured and yet to have your Father still asking, so innocently where is his beloved wife?….it’s almost too much to bear. I send out my love and friendship to you all and pray that you will find comfort and peace in her memory and the love that you shared with her and she with all of you.
    Cena

  6. The time passes, but it doesn’t pass, and memories are what we hold on to regardless of what’s going on around us…. Thank you for sharing this.. and sending you hugs, Barbara

    On Sun, Jan 13, 2013 at 2:24 PM, “Challa-peo”

  7. oh, this is the loveliest writing i have ever read about “mother”; and, no, there will never be another like yours. having lost my own, i know in part the love.

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