One Year Later – Remembering My Mom

My beautiful mom.

My beautiful mom.

Dear Readers,

This Blog has never been intended for only recipes.  Herein, are recipes, stories, or a combination of both, that express the essence of life.

A year has swiftly passed since I lost my mother, Martha Schneider.  I thank you for accompanying me through the loss and mourning of my dear mother.

Today I went to her graveside, and here I offer the following thoughts.

Mommy, as I sit here at the place you were laid to rest, I ponder the enormity of your loss.  I struggle with the concept of moving forward and the desperate desire to remember and cling to every detail of our lives together.

Your black cain still hangs on the towel rack where you last left it, one year ago.  It hangs as forlorn and lonely as my heart.  it asks, like I, where have you gone.  The little yellow daisies you so liked, that grow outside your bedroom window, are back in bloom yet they are sad because your eyes cannot rest upon them.  The view you so enjoyed sadly peers backward into the house, also to see where you have gone.

Daddy asks for you each day, where is mom, where is my wife…

It’s so quiet without you mom, yet there is a clamor in my heart, screaming this memory or that.  The memory of a telling glance in which our eyes, without words said how much we loved each other.

As the days and weeks, the months and years, unfold before me, I will write your story, every detail every nuance, for I want to hold it and cradle it and take it in through my very pores so that I never lose it.

That is my biggest fear, forgetting the details, your warm touch, your loving caress, your pretty green eyes, your face.

While my tears pour incessantly on your headstone, as I run my fingers across the bronze letters that spell out your name, I know it’s time to pull myself up and away from this place.  I know I must move forward and remain optimistic and happy, for no one taught me more than you, that life is beautiful.

And so I go now mom, so that I may live that beautiful life, while always remembering you and carrying you in and on my heart every instant that it beats within me.